By Keith Roulston

“Sure hope we don’t get an early snow this year or we’ll never get the crops off,” said George Mackenzie the other morning at Mabel’s Grill.

“Yeah, normally I’d getting ready to combine my corn by now but it’s far from ready ready,” said Cliff Murray.

“Well if harvest holds off long enough, maybe I won’t have to go around the block to get to my other farm with the combine,” said Dave Winston. “They’ve been working on the bridge on our road for four months now. They said it would take two.”

“Yeah well, construction promises are like election promises – they sound good when somebody says them but they never turn out the way they were promised,” said George.

“Hey, remember my rule,” called Mabel from over at the counter. “No politics. I want people to have a good time in here, not get into fights over politics.”

“Don’t worry,” George called back. “There’s so much politics everywhere else these days, I’m happy to be one place where we’re not talking about it.”

“Yeah, I sure was happy when that young girl won that tennis championship,” said Dave. “It knocked the politics off the top of the newscasts for a day or two.”

“It was almost worth having that hurricane to shut the politicians up,” said Cliff.

“If you weren’t in Nova Scotia or the Bahamas,” George reminded him.

“When they were tracking that hurricane, they said it picked up strength when it went over warm water. I wonder if storms get worse when they go over all the hot air generated by an election campaign?”

“Well, there sure are plenty of blowhards around election time,” said Cliff.

“Yeah, and what about the environment?” wondered George. “All that carbon dioxide the politicians are breathing out must add up.”

“Not to mention all the jet fuel they’re burning flying back and forth across the country talking about how we need to cut back on carbon emissions,” said Cliff.

“Yeah, too bad they’re not like that young Swedish environmentalist who didn’t want to contribute to global warming by flying so she sailed to the U.S.,” said Dave. “That would slow them down.”

“Especially on the prairies,” smirked George.

“I’m already getting the phone calls from the different parties,” sighed Molly Whiteside as she refilled their coffee cups.

“I swear, three-quarters of the phone calls I get these days are calls I don’t want,” grumbled Dave.

“It gets to be you’re almost afraid of your own phone,” said Molly.

“Not me,” said George. “I just tell them to go take a flying leap.”

“Even the recordings?” wondered Cliff.

“Naw, they’re no fun at all. All you get to do is hang up,” said George.

“I heard about this reporter for a U.S. network who had it set up so he took 100 of those robocall things in one day,” said Molly. “He played along with them and gave them all the information they wanted – all fake, of course.”

“What gets me is how these crooks keep coming up with new scams,” said Dave.

“Or new ways of making old scams work,” said George. “The other morning, I got one of those calls where they tell you your credit cards have been used illegally – at six o’clock in the morning!”

“Yeah, I heard they’re trying a new variation to get you when you’re still sleepy so you won’t be thinking clearly,” said Cliff.

“I got one of those calls on my cell phone the other morning,” said Dave. “I was already in the barn so I was wishing I could send a whiff of the pig smell back to them on the other end of the phone in India or wherever.”

“Sort of a smellophone,” laughed Molly. “Now there’s a new app for somebody to invent.◊