By Keith Roulston

“Give me coffee and keep it coming,” Dave Winston called to Molly Whiteside when he came into Mabel’s Grill the other morning. “You look like something the cat dragged in,” said George McKenzie when Dave reached the table and took his seat. “Are you trying to grow a beard?” Molly asked suspiciously when she arrived to fill Dave’s cup. “Nah, I pulled an all-nighter trying to catch up with planting,” said Dave. “We’ve had more showers this spring than I’ve taken going in and out of my barn.” “Thank goodness you’re not growing a beard,” said Molly. “Any guy I’ve ever dated who had a beard turned out not to be good news.” “What?” wondered Dave. “Were you planning to invite me on a date?” “Not a chance!” said Molly. “Good. My wife will be happy,” said Dave. “At least I think so. She gets a little testy when I’m working all night.” “It wouldn’t be that you get grumpy from lack of sleep so she only seems hard to get along with?” wondered Mabel as she passed by on the way to the kitchen. “Me? Grumpy?” Dave said defensively. “Hey!” he grumbled to Molly as he looked down, “You poured some of that coffee in my saucer!” “So? You get a bonus and I won’t charge you any extra,” shrugged Molly. “Good thing you’re not growing a beard,” said Cliff Murray, the other third of the trio at the table. “I read this article that said men with beards have more bacteria in there that are harmful to humans than dogs have in their fur.” “Humpf! That explains so much about the bearded guys I’ve dated,” said Molly. “Ha! I always worried my daughter might pick up something because she’s always nuzzling her dog,” said Dave. “Guess she’s better off doing that than kissing some boy with a beard.” “Definitely!” said Molly. “I don’t know,” said George. “She may have a smaller selection if she sticks with clean-shaven guys. Seems to me an awful lot of young guys are growing beards these days.” “They are,” confirmed Cliff. “In fact I heard that so many young men are growing beards that Gillette’s profits are down because guys aren’t buying razors.” “Phew, that was a close shave,” said Dave with mock seriousness. “I was thinking of buying shares in Gillette.” “That much money in pigs these days, is there?” asked George. “Heck, no,” said Dave. “And if there was, my wife would be spending it on the house. I tell you the worst investment I ever made was getting satellite television so she could watch HGTV and become constantly dissatisfied with the house.” “Hope she doesn’t hear that HGTV is looking for a farm house to renovate,” said Cliff. “Maybe that’s how you can afford to fix the place up,” suggested Molly. “I’m afraid not,” said Cliff. “They only want somebody who’s got at least $75,000 to spend.” “And they’re looking for a farmhouse!” wondered George. “Guess that lets me off the hook,” said Dave. “They’ll probably end up with some city family that has a farmhouse for a weekend place,” said Cliff. “Or maybe a chicken farmer,” grumbled George. “They’re the only farmers with that kind of money.” “Except they already have nice houses,” said Cliff. “Yeah, they’d tear down a place like mine and build a big new house,” said Dave. “Now how come my dad couldn’t have got into chickens 30 years ago?” wondered George. “And miss out on the freedom of the open market?” laughed Dave. “Sounds like I should be looking out for a chicken farmer for a date,” said Molly. “Heck, I’d even take one with a beard.”◊