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  • Lisa B. Pot, March 2020: Three Blue Barrettes for Sunday Lunch
  • Lisa B. Pot, February 2020: Habits of Successful Farmers
  • Keith Roulston, February 2020: Don't Blame Animals for Climate Change
  • Kate Procter, February 2020: Become One of the Hundred
  • Jeff Carter, February 2020: Dog Fight Cure
  • Mabel's Grill, February 2020
  • Viewpoint, February 2020: They Need the Space to Be
  • Kate Procter, December 2019: Navigating Change and Failure
  • Kate Procter, July 2019: I wasn't going to talk about the weather...
  • Jeff Carter, July 2019: Mean-spiritedness at CBC Radio
  • Mabel's Grill, July 2019
  • Lisa B. Pot, June 2019: Lavishly Affectionate
  • Keith Roulston, June 2019: It's a Challenge to Stop New Diseases
  • Kate Procter, June 2019: Running is an Inclusive Sport
  • Mabel's Grill, June 2019
  • Gary W. Kenny, June Issue: Planet "B" is not an option
Home/Columns /Mabel's Grill, July 2019 Print This Page

“I’m thinking of becoming a fly farmer,” said Dave Winston the other day as the gang gathered at Mabel’s Grill for their morning session. “A what?” asked George McKenzie, stopping dead in mid-pour as he put sugar in his cup. “A fly farmer,” Dave repeated. “I’ve heard of fly fishing but never fly farming,” said Molly Whiteside as she filled Dave’s cup. “Well, that’s sort of it, in a way,” said Dave. “I read in this article that the government has given approval to some company to grow flies so they can market feed made from fly larvae to people with fish farms and to poultry farmers.” “Now that would be the ultimate in specialization,” said Cliff Murray. “I spend time trying to keep flies out of my barn and you keep a barn full of them.” “That’s what I figured,” said Dave. “If you can’t beat ’em, grow ’em. Besides, you know how hard it is to kill a fly. I figure they’ve got to be easier to raise than pigs.” “I dunno,” said Cliff. “It sounds too good to be true. I’m thinking if you put a few million flies in a barn and you really want them to live, they’re liable to get sick too. Maybe you’d have to shower before you go into the barn to make sure you didn’t bring in any disease.” “Good grief, I thought I’d be getting rid of that if I got out of pigs,” said Dave. “Hmmm,” wondered George, “do you think we’ll have vets specializing in sick flies when this comes in?” “And sure as shootin’ they’ll want to improve the breed,” said Cliff. “Can you imagine AI for flies?” “What do you feed a fly?” wondered Molly. “According to the article that’s one of the good things,” said Dave. “They feed them stuff that’s going to waste from food processing and grocery stores. That’s gotta be cheap.” “Except as soon as these companies see people are making money off the stuff they’re throwing away it’ll suddenly get real valuable,” said George. “Well then maybe the fly manure would be worth some money too,” said Dave. “The article said marijuana growers in the U.S. are already growing their plants on fly manure compost shipped all the way from Europe.” “I can see the company slogan right now,” laughed Molly. “Come fly high with us.” “I wonder how long it will be before somebody starts PETB?”, said Cliff. “PETB? What’s that?” wondered George. “People for the Ethical Treatment of Bugs,” said Cliff, straight faced. “Never thought of that,” said Dave. “I suppose it’s only a matter of time before somebody’d be sticking up for the rights of flies.” “Maybe invading your barn, taking videos of how you treat your flies and taking home a fly for a pet,” laughed George. “Okay, okay. Maybe I wouldn’t be further ahead raising flies than pigs,” said Dave. “Besides, the company would likely send me back to school to learn how to grow them.” “Well time flies when you’re having fun,” sighed George as Molly delivered their bill, “so I guess I’d better get going.” “What’s on the agenda today?” wondered Cliff. “Believe it or not, walking,” growled George. “My doctor wants me to get out and walk two miles a day.” “Yeah, I read that people who walk faster live longer,” said Molly. “I’m not too sure about walking fast,” said George. “So far I’m doing darned good if I can make the two miles at any speed. I never realized walking was such darned hard work!” “Ha! I figure if the Lord had wanted farmers to walk he wouldn’t have given us ATVs,” said Cliff.◊


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