“Sure, I’ll have another cup,” said Cliff Murray when Molly Whiteside came around offering to refill his cup for the third time the other morning at Mabel’s Grill.
Molly was actually surprised when Cliff accepted. “You usually cut yourself off at one refill,” she said.
“Yeah but yesterday I read this new study on coffee,” said Cliff.
“Bah, you know what I think about all these studies!” growled George McKenzie.
“But this one found people who drank three or four cups of coffee a day had a 10-15 per cent chance of living longer than people who don’t drink coffee at all,” said Cliff.
“That so?” said George. “Fill ’er up again, Molly.”
“I can use that bit of information,” said Dave Winston. “Sometimes the wife gets a little peeved about the amount of time I spend at Mabel’s. Now I can tell her it’s adding to my chances of living longer.”
“So why is drinking coffee supposed to make you live longer?” wondered Molly.
“Apparently they don’t know,” said Cliff. “They say there are 1,000 organic compounds in coffee so it could be one of those, or it could be the antioxidants that cut down on cancer or it could be just that drinking coffee makes people happy and happiness makes you live longer.”
“I’ll drink to that!” said Dave, raising his cup.
“So if coffee makes you happy and happiness makes you live longer, marijuana should make you live even longer,” said Molly.
“I am not smoking marijuana just to live longer!” said George.
“I don’t know,” said Dave. “I’m beginning to think they can’t legalize pot fast enough. We may need it just to get through the day with whatever Donald Trump’s up to lately!”
“Careful,” warned Cliff. “You know Mabel hates people talking politics in the Grill.”
“Oh!” said Molly, “Mabel’s given up when it comes to Trump. She doesn’t want people talking about Trudeau or Ford but when it comes to Trump, she realizes it’s as inevitable as the weather.”
“Yeah and there’s so much more to talk about than the weather,” said Cliff. “This summer it’s been nothing but sun and heat, sun and heat. My rain gauge is the most useless tool on the farm.”
“The idea of getting high and happy and relaxed and not thinking about Trump is the best advertisement I’ve heard yet for legalized marijuana,” said Dave.
“If all the Canadians who’d like Trump to just somehow go away take up marijuana to get high, that’d be most of the population” said Cliff. “The potential sales might drive the marijuana companies’ stock even higher than it is.”
“Yes but I heard that if you admit you’ve smoked pot when you’re trying to cross the border they’ll ban you for life from entering the States,” said Molly.
“Which would close shopping malls in Buffalo and Detroit if they lost all those Canadian shoppers,” said George.
“If all the Canadians couldn’t get to their houses in Florida come winter the bottom would drop out of the real estate market down there,” said Cliff.
“And if they have to stay home and put up with a Canadian winter they might smoke even more pot,” said Molly.
“And if so many Canadians can’t get across the border, maybe they won’t even need that new bridge they’re building between Windsor and Detroit,” said George.
“I’m kind of surprised Trump didn’t insist this new bridge have only one-way traffic, coming out of the States but not going in,” said Dave. “He only wants to see things exported and nothing imported.”
“Okay, that does it!” said Cliff as he pushed his full coffee cup away. “If we have to get through another two years of Trump and maybe even six, I’m not sure if I want coffee to help me live longer!” ◊